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I wrote the next two months of Pac-12 TV Deal Media Coverage

Well...ChatGPT helped. And Cookie Monster.

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On Thursday afternoon, terrible college sports news dropped. Our national nightmare, the will-they, won’t-they drama surrounding the Pac-12 media deal, is not going to end in the near future.

That means we’re looking at four more weeks, at least, of news stories quoting industry sources speculating that the dissolution of the conference is imminent, followed by stories mostly quoting anonymous Pac-12 sources insisting the league is fine, better-than-fine, actually, and bloggers and sports radio hosts arguing over incomplete spreadsheets over the next month and a half.

Enough! Not only is the thinly-veiled negotiating via the press obvious, but it is also boring.

I don’t want to chase every he-said-he-said over the next four to eight weeks. So instead, I’ve tried to helpfully summarize what I predict to be Future Coverage of the Pac-12 Media Deal.

And to make it more fun, I’ve asked ChatCPT to write those arguments for us.

For example, here’s special Extra Points Media Business Correspondent Stereotypical Film Noir Detective, explaining why the Pac-12 is taking a long time to get a TV deal:

Ah, well, let me tell ya, kid, this Pac-12 TV deal situation is a real head-scratcher. It's got more twists and turns than a dame in a backless dress. See, the Pac-12 is trying to find a new home for its football games on the old boob tube, but they can't seem to close the case. The network bosses are tight-lipped, and the Pac-12 can't seem to get a break. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack, but instead of a needle, it's a TV deal, and instead of a haystack, it's a sea of sharks.

Now, I ain't no expert on the moving pictures, but from what I can gather, the Pac-12 is up against some tough competition. The other networks are looking to muscle in on their turf, and they're playing hardball. But the Pac-12 ain't no slouch either. They've got some real talent on their roster, and they're not afraid to throw their weight around. They're looking for a fair deal, but it seems like everyone's got an angle.

I gotta say, this whole thing has got me stumped. But one thing's for sure, there's gonna be some blood spilled before this thing is over. And I don't mean on the football field, kid. I mean in the boardroom. This is the big leagues, and the Pac-12 is playing for keeps.

Boy, sounds bad for the Pac-12! To explain why Arizona, Arizona State, Colorado and Utah could potentially be candidates to join the Big 12, let’s turn to another special Extra Points correspondent, Cookie Monster:

smh Cookie Monster gets a press credential?!?

Me hear rumor dat Arizona, Arizona State, Colorado, and Utah maybe want to join Big 12! Oh boy, dat would be a yummy treat for college football! Big 12 already have some delicious schools like Texas Tech, Oklahoma State, and Kansas, but more schools means more cookies for me to eat!

Me not sure why Pac-12 schools want to leave their conference, maybe dey want more TV time or maybe dey just want to be with deir friends in Big 12. But me know one thing for sure, me want more cookies!

Me not sure if this rumor true or not, but me hope it is! More football games means more cookies for me to eat while me watch games! And maybe Big 12 can invite Sesame Street University to join conference too, me hear we have very strong defense against tickles!

So dat my take on dis rumor, me hope it turn out to be true so me can have more cookies and more football games to watch. Yum yum!

Thanks Cookie Monster. But boy, that explanation feels a little biased. Maybe we need the perspective from somebody a little closer to the Pac-12’s line of thinking. To get that voice, let me ask yet another Extra Points correspondent, Samuel L Jackson:

Listen up, motherfers, because I got some sht to say about the Pac-12 and their TV deal. Yeah, they haven't signed anything yet, but that don't mean jack sht. You see, sometimes it takes time to get sht done, and that's what the Pac-12 is doing. They're taking their f*ing time, making sure they get the best deal possible, and that's what matters.

So all you haters out there can go f**k yourselves, because the Pac-12 is gonna come out on top. They got some damn fine teams in that conference, and they're gonna keep on kicking ass and taking names. So you can sit there and wait for the Pac-12 to fail, but I'm telling you, they're gonna prove all you bitches wrong.

Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go yell at some snakes on a motherf***ing plane.

Perfect, thank you Mr.Jackson. Always appreciate your eloquence. Loved you in Snakes On A Plane.

And now finally, to help report on when we can actually expect closure on this situation, let me bring in our final expert, Groot.

I am Groot.

Perfect. Couldn’t have summed it up better myself.

Wake me up when something actually happens on this front.

What else did we write this week?

Great question! It was a pretty good week!

If you’d rather listen or watch to something, I was on the Cover 3 Podcast over at CBS/247 Sports earlier this week, talking about NIL legislation, the future of collectives, and what Congress missed from their first big hearing:

For next week, Extra Points will celebrate our third birthday, and I’ll try to share more about where this business is going. I’ll also have some reporting to share about future NCAA Championship TV contracts, some FOIA-fun, and more.

You can get every single Extra Points newsletter with a paid subscription. But if you can’t swing eight bucks, you can also get a full subscription by referring some friends (or coworkers) to the newsletter. I also have other prizes, like notes from my book projects, a zoom call, and a shopping spree at Homefield Apparel.

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